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Random Photos

This are some photos I toke around an old factory. I shot about threehunderd photos and these are some of the best :)  I hope you like them! You’re free to use these for any non-commercial work, links are appreciated.

Myndflame madness!

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Look what I’m getting! My own Myndflame crewshirt with name, sponsired by Valodore and Myndflame :D Awesome guys, thanks! Pics coming when I’ve received all the loot.

Follow @Myndflame for more insanity. He streams about 5 times a week at twitch.tv/myndflame. You can follow @Valodore as well for scandinavian goodness.

Awesome stuff I wish I had – Kingdom Hearts 10th anniversary box

Kingdom Hearts is celebrating its 10th anniversary this year. This franchise has a special meaning to me. When the first game came out it, I saw the trailer and was entranced by the beautiful song that accompanied it. I looked it up and found it was Simple and Clean from Utada Hikaru. This was my first conscious meeting with the Japanese pop culture. After that I started to watch anime (the ones not shown here), read manga, listen to more Asian songs etc. Without Kingdom Hearts I wouldn’t be who I am today <3 So I wish I had it, I wish I could buy it, and who knows, maybe I will :)

 Read more

Surprises

In my last post I wrote that I couldn’t game because it’s too cold. But my body keeps surprising me. Last monday I went to physical therapy and I complained that I still have a headache. My first major headache was at the end of june last year. Since then I’ve visited multiple doctors, had scans, had to give up some of my blood. The last doctor diagnosed my headache is caused by a neck injury. Monday I found out what kind of injury. Apparently one of my cervical vertebrae is dislocated. Between the C1 and the C2, the parts which connect the skull to the spine, there are 4 ligaments, and these aren’t doing their job. I don’t know which one, or if it’s multiple, but something there is wrong. I had no idea there were ligaments there and I could dislocate them also. Not all surprises are good, but it does help me to realize that I really do have to watch out for any kind of blunt trauma on any place of my body.

Now that I know what’s wrong, I can try to fix it, or have someone fix it for me. But in the mean time, I’ll be taking painkillers, yay.

The five stages of grief

During the winter of 2009/2010 I realized that my pain wasn’t going away by taking a simple pill or painkiller and wait untill it’s over. I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I got a strong feeling that the person who I was, wouldn’t return. I couldn’t remember what it felt like to have a pain-free day.
Looking back at this period, I see different phases in how I dealt with it. They are the same phases when someone experiences grief:
  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

The first stage or phase is denial. I didn’t want to believe that I wouldn’t get better or that it would take a long while. I hated the idea and thought only of the worst possibilities. Anger. I was angry with myself. What if it was my fault? If I did something wrong? If quitting sports is the reason? Maybe I could’ve done something. Maybe not. Bargain. Then the pain got worse and I lost all will to go on. I couldn’t do anything without pain. The only way to not feel the pain was to sleep. However, falling asleep was a problem. There was not comfortable position to sleep in. Everything hurt. I wanted to quit. Just stop. I kept doing the stuff people expected me to do, but my heart and mind weren’t there. I wanted to take a step out of life and get back in when it was all over. Depression. Death didn’t scare me anymore, as it would be pain-free. If there was something growing inside of me which shouldn’t be there, the doctors might be able to get it out with surgery. At least it would be over if they succeed. Taking pills for the rest of my life is doable. The chances were high that I had to do physiotherapy. Of course I would do that if it makes my life pain-free. Acceptance.

Now I know what’s wrong and what I can do to make life as comfortable as possible, I’m going to do it. I will do whatever it takes to get rid of the pain. I know that even if I learn to control my body well enough, my life won’t be same as before. I honestly feel as if I left a part of me behind when it all started. Part of my dreams might never come true without me even trying. Other dreams are reduced to something smaller, more within my reach. My personality and interests are more or less the same, but somewhere deep inside me, I’m different. I am limited, physically and maybe because of that in the rest of my life. But I have accepted it.

I am limited.

Hypermobility

Most of the people who read this know I’ve struggled with physical discomfort for a while and I finally have a diagnosis which could’ve been made a lot faster if it weren’t for my idiot doctor.

You can read more about what I have been through the past seven months here: My experiences with Hypermobility

The post is in English but I will add a Dutch version soon.

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Guild Wars 2 Fiction

Miira Lightbringer:
Fried Moa Steak
Quiet Before the Storm

Young Miira:
Tail Tugging Part 1
A Promise Made Part 2
Night Falls Part 3
Grawling Preparations Part 4
Badazar Incarnated Part 5
Graduation Part 6 - Final

Savyrius Belain:
We Meet Again...

Naella Ysangwan:
Dogs and Ogres

Play with me!

Do you want to game with me?
You can add me on Steam, Origin, Raptr, X-Fire or League of Legends. All use the same nickname: Endalia.

Or, if you want to give me some extra love and want to play League of Legends and you don't have an account, you can sign up here and give me some love <3
Diablo 3 Battle Tag: Endalia#1709
Guild Wars 2 Identifier: Endalia.8109

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